I’ll love to have my own wedding in a church filled with people, large chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, the choir singing Handel’s “Zadok the priest”, a big ball gown with pockets so I can stuff puffpuff and Alpenliebe strawberry flavoured sweet in case the service becomes very long, my favourite person’s eyes filled with so much love and affection, a beautiful lavender and tulip bouquet, gold rings, a very long flowing veil, chocolate chocolate-chip marble cake coated in whipped cream and caramel flavoured butter cream, genuine smiles and tears, slow dancing into the night with smoke everywhere but I’m not exactly a fan of weddings.
Weddings in my opinion have moved from the couple’s day to opportunities where people show their real colour and behavior. First of all, you have to deal with family drama. Parents having to put their differences aside and accept each other despite the differences and pick the asoebi style and colour, wedding location, guest list, menu, Souvenir and so on. In Nigeria, the wedding day is for the mother of the groom and the bride so whatever they want stands. It doesn’t matter if you want a big wedding or a small scale wedding, intercontinental dishes or local dishes, a hall or outdoor wedding; you have never been married before, you do not have experience and nobody does it better than them. Besides you should be grateful that they are easing you off the stress of running around for wedding plans and spending unnecessary money on wedding planners who will not deliver as accurately or even steal the groom/bride.
We move to the extended family members, who just come to eat, drink, collect and destroy. They do not contribute one naira or effort to the planning of the event but they will be the first to bring Umunna marriage rite and guest list. Their own is to make sure them and their guests eat, cause trouble between the bride and groom’s family, tick the next person on the “when are you getting married” list and give the couple a specific date/time frame to have a baby. I pity the waiters who are asked to serve them because they will hear and see shege. The church members and other guests invited by parents also have their own wahala but their own is one for another day.
The next on the list is committee of friends and asoebi people. This set of people use weddings as opportunity to step on principalities and powers, show themselves like afefe yeye butterfly and find man/babe. Like why in heaven’s name in a wedding an avenue to check who has the latest range rover, who is wearing the most expensive hair, who is still single or divorced, throw shades and all the gossips that come with weddings? Save those actions for a keeping it up with (give it a name) show or organize a reunion; those are places where such things are done.
Then there’s rest of the world; social media in-laws; people you have never met before but have something to say about your buffet, dress or how your husband looks, the non-invited “I am here for the jollof rice and pictures geng”, the wedding analyzers, vloggers and tiktokers, the tag alongs, fighters for food and souvenir, the money pickers, the Ole geng (People who just attend weddings to steal), disappointing and incompetent caterers, photographers doing their thing, waiters and their angry bird looks (I guess they put up this look because they can’t get tips or waiters at weddings are always instructed to wake up and look like that), Ushers (these ones are always confused or carried away during weddings), Bridal train; their energy and hype, then the DJ, MC and Hypeman enjoying themselves because they deserve it (I think they are the only ones that are concerned about the couple’s happiness on their day because their joy is always contagious).
Weddings have nostalgia they come with especially for the bride and groom. That is the day you can officially stop hiding when you want to kiss Nkiru, stop worrying about what the akara seller beside Ikenna’s house will say when she sees you carrying an overnight bag or wearing his shirt, comfortably talk about your sexual experiences and not worry about how your pastor will look at you when he hears them, unlock a new level of love and the best time of your life (it comes with heavy responsibilities you must bear. Heavy is the hand that wears the ring). It should be the bride and the groom’s day and not some concert or launch (yes, some couples now use weddings to cash out. Setting up a committee to plan and sponsor the wedding, Selling asoebi for a ridiculous price, cutting cake with money, bridal shower gifting contest) or an avenue for the church to show themselves and be difficult (I literally do not understand why I need to do a pregnancy test and submit the result to my pastor or shave clean before I am allow to have a wedding).
My mother is currently serving as the women’s fellowship vice president in church and she has a lot of friends so it is almost impossible to have the kind of wedding I want considering the fact that I am her only daughter and she will most likely be the biggest sponsor at my wedding (I am consoled by the fact that she will allow me have a way with the cake and dress if not, wedding cancel!!!). in the end, as long I my favourite person is by my side and we get to experience the eluded M word till whenever the sun sets on that phase of our lives, I can compromise.
It’s been a month since the first publication and I am here celebrating little wins. If you look around this page, you will see balloons (even if don’t see because you are a Thomas, just say and agree that I hung balloons. T for Thank you). It’s been quite a journey and I am not giving up anytime soon. I’ll be uploading a podcast appreciation episode soon so stay tuned and don’t forget the drill (like, comment, subscribe and share)
Love,
Bubu 🌹
It's scary when you put it all like this😬
Wow 🤩 this is really beautiful 😻